Opening to the Fullness of Spring!

Wow, spring has finally sprung from this long, dark, COLD wintertide...but still the chilly fingers of Jack Frost haven't let go...The mornings are often very cold still...

In the meantime we've worked on our garden, my potted herbs and even gotten an air/duct sealing for our home (for free!). We've worked very hard on getting more frugal with our lifestyle, reduced/eliminated some debt and will even be able to have some savings soon (in case of job loss). So many positive steps...

However, recently I've had to step back from an increasingly unhealthy situation...and it's been difficult. I'd been back and forth on how to handle it...and every time I thought, "Well, maybe..I'll just do this,...or ...I'll just help out here..", I'd get requests to do even MORE! "Do this! We need this!" There were several creative ways to "get the job done" without me, but they "can't see the forest for the trees" evidently.

I didn't want people who I've really come to like and admire think bad of me...but since they don't know the FULL details of what my family's dealing with on a financial, wellness/health and psychological level, I simply can't expect them to understand. Some have a small inkling, but aren't sympathetic as several others are dealing with health-related crises of their own. The one thing I didn't bring up to these folks is that this all happened during February/March, leading up to the most difficult part of the year for me. It dawned on me that my son's death still affects me to this day, and the grieving process intensifies problematic situations. I discussed the problem extensively with the two people who were present on the worst day of my life (the stillbirth of our son), and they both agreed with me; I had made the right decision to stand firm in my departure from this group. The relief is palpable, I didn't realize I had had been doing so much work for so long! It may get nasty, but come what may, I can finally say I made the right decision for me, my family and ultimately, for them.

So on to May Day...a Spring Sabbat to celebrate with Mirth and Joy; release burdens, and open up to new mysterious possibilities!

Spiders...and the Day of the Dead

Well, I haven't posted in awhile...actually have been very busy on the home front. It's not that I haven't noticed what a wonderful fall we've been having here the the Pacific Northwest...it's just I've had a little bit of "ennui" for some time. I ended up watching Serenity only about a million times, along with any other movie Sean Maher has ever made-(spoiler alert DO NOT watch the end of Living Til the End!) and just generally just having the blahs...Then I realized I was similarly obsessed with Hugh Jackman and The Fountain last year...just about this same time, (yes, we bought the movie AND the sound track...) Then it hit me...the thinning of the veil upon us, and I will remember our stillborn son, and all the other friends and family who went before, again.

I also started re-thinking my whole volunteer schedule..and I believe I'll be pulling back and spending some time on family and "wintering in" (fancy wording for working home projects, which sounds more poetic I guess); and may be seriously looking for a job in January. (In case you haven't heard, the economy's going in the pooper...and hubby's job may go the way of the dinosaurs...we'll see how Wall Street handles the 700 billion the taxpayers have SO nicely donated to their suffering cause...cynical snicker).

I digress! This post is actually about the exceptional autumn we've had...cold nights and clear sunny days. The perfect weather to produce color splendors worthy of an East Coast fall foliage tour. It's been so spectacular that when our usual rainy, cloudy weather appeared a couple days ago, I was a bit disappointed our Indian Summer had finally come to an end.


This picture is from my ancestral homeland, Champoeg. It's a nice time to be there now as the Park has very few visitors. It's got lovely views of the Willamette, and great biking/walking paths.

I've also observed (a la Waverly Fizgerald's School of the Seasons) the plethora of spiders during this season. They've been all around outside, in every nook and cranny in the garden...and some of them managed to sneak inside the house too! We have a very fat pregnant one just outide the kitchen window. Without realizing it, Waverly found out this natural process is called phenology-the science of tracking seasonal changes. She's got lots of links to some very interesting sites here ,(you'll have to scroll down to her phenology article first).

Until just yesterday, (several days WELL after All Soul's Day), I still had all the Day of the Dead decorations up, (I find I prefer the Mexican take on this holiday...); I had wanted to do something more elaborate for a family ritual (my inspiration is this one done by Joanna Colbert)...but our daughter had Marching Band Championships that weekend, the weather didn't cooperate and we had already planned for a Firefly party (yup, we're Browncoats!)...so there just wasn't time for the entire family to come together and prepare anything. We barely got our pumpkins carved on Halloween day! I did the the traditional one on the lower step...

In any case, I was musing about, feeling a little unsettled...couldn't resolve it until I hit upon the idea of just lighting all the candles and doing a Goddess Rosary (I can already tell after reciting it this one time, I'm going to tweak it for my own purposes!). Now I'm not praying for the restoration of Avalon...-No, I'm much more focused on the here and now... the needs of my immediate family and the mysterious desire for communion with our Sacred Dead. After I had done all that, I felt a sense of closure and was able to put it all away for next year.



PS. I'll be going to San Francisco in a week or so to visit an old college friend, so there'll be posts galore coming up!